Why a sasunaru fanfic
by dragonbanana
Summary: Sasuke remorses over the death of a loved one. SHONEN-AI/YAOI, SasuNaru, implied KakaIru, Character death
1. Chapter 1

OK guys, this is my first fanfic ever. I hope you enjoy!

A/N This takes place when Naruto and Sasuke are around 18 and Sasuke has returned to Konoha.

_Dear Uzumaki Naruto,_

_I never understood the way they treated you. So cold and indifferent... I used to see you on that old swing, crying softly. You were too proud to tell anyone of the pain you felt inside so you covered it up by being obnoxious and by pulling pranks. But no matter how hard you tried, no one treated you any different. To me, though, you were Naruto, not "the fox-boy" or "the nine-tailed demon fox." To me, Naruto was Naruto._

_Then we became shinobi. We started going on missions together and chuckles you always goofed up, one way or another. You were so cute! I could tell that you were happy, honestly and truly happy. You were always trying to show me up, always trying to surpass me and impress Sakura. And after the Land of Waves mission, you were so focused on trying to repay your debt to me. You were busy trying to save __my__ life when you should've been trying to preserve your own..._

_And then, after all the time we spent together, I left. I, being the self-centered jerk I am, left you. And all the time I was away, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you. Naruto, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you the way I did. If I had known...if you had told me...I would never had left. But I didn't know..._

_Once I returned, you accepted me. Even though I didn't deserve it, you still treated me like I mattered, like I was important. It was then that I realized that I didn't just want to be your friend anymore. Hell, I loved you, Uzumaki Naruto! But I was scared that if I told you, I would loose the thing in my life that mattered most: your friendship. It tore me up so much inside that I finally broke sown and decided to tell you, over a bowl of ramen, of course. You were so adorable when you ate! I was so nervous I almost threw up. Although, now that I look back, I don't know why because it turned out that you loved me too. Even after all that happened to you because of me, after the pain I caused, you said you loved me, that you loved me ever since I "gave my life" in the Land of Waves. If I wasn't so shocked, I would've felt so guilty (well, guiltier than I already was) for ever leaving you. It took all the strength I had not to shove my tounge down your mouth right then and there!_

_We were so happy in the months that followed that we barely even noticed the astonished and later disgusted looks that people threw at us when we held hands or hugged. God only knows how they'd react if they knew what we did behind the bedroom door! Through all of the disapproving glares that we faced on a daily basis, you never stopped smiling because you knew we had each other and that was something special that those villagers didn't. We were able to wait our the storm until the villagers had a new target; poor Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei had "followed in our footsteps" so to speak._

_And now, as I look at your headstone and remember all the great (and not-so-great) times we had together, I can't help but wonder, why? Why couldn't I see past my selfish desires and see your pain when we were kids? Why didn't I listen to your pleading voice when you begged me not to go? Why didn't I try harder to save you when you finally repaid your debt and gave your life to save my own, worthless one?! Why was it you who died, leaving me in this core of solitude... I'm sorry. That sounded kinda selfish. I'm trying to be more compassionate. Now I know how you felt when I left. But there's one big difference: you're not coming back._

_Love Always,_

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_P.S. I hope we get to see each other again. I really miss you._


	2. Chapter 2

There's gonna be ONE more chapter after this one and then I'm done. Enjoy! I personally don't like this chapter very much. The only reason I wrote it is because if I didn't the next chapter wouldn't make as much sense.

A/N This takes place when Naruto and Sasuke are around 18 and Sasuke has returned to Konoha.

It was three days since Sasuke wrote that letter. He felt foolish; he had even mailed it! Of course, he wasn't hoping to get a reply. He just wanted to get some things off his chest. But he still missed Naruto badly. Once, while taking a walk, he saw Sakura and was about to ask if she'd seen Naruto. He had grown used to the blonde's presence during his strolls.

The thing that Sasuke did to annoy the villagers the most was the fact that he could act so nonchalant after his lover's death. He didn't show anyone anything that resembled sadness or remorse, except at the funeral but since everyone else was crying, no one noticed that the usually deadpan Uchiha was crying as well. The only times the villagers saw Sasuke showing any emotion was before the Uchiha massacre and, after that, when he was with Naruto. When asked, he coolly responded, "Oh? I couldn't tell".

But Sasuke didn't care what everyone else thought. In fact, it was that very quality that made Naruto and his relationship last. Sasuke knew ha had shown emotion around Naruto. But who else could he have shown it to? Sakura? The pink-haired bimbo would've used it as an excuse to say that they were "going out". Naruto was the only one who saw the other side of Sasuke: his gentle side. The side that came up and hugged you from behind. The side that held you close when you slept, as if to protect you from some unseen demons. The side that looked into your eyes and smiled, not the infamous Uchiha smirk, but a genuine smile. He reserved that special side for Naruto and Naruto alone.

But after Naurto's death, he became even more cold and withdrawn than usual. He took Kakashi's place as the one who visited the graveyard the most. Some mornings, Sasuke would wake up and find that he had been snuggling Naruto's pillow instead of the boy himself. It was time like that that caused him the most pain. Not a quick, fleeting pain, but a dull, throbbing one. He had once heard it been called "The Pain of Loss".

This "Pain of Loss" ate him up inside and slowly eroded away his sanity. Thoughts of suicide frequently plagued the Uchiha's head. He argued with himself:

The suicidal part said, "Don't you want to be relieved of your pain? Don't you want to see Naruto again?"

The gentle side explained, "Why should I take my own life? Even if i did, there's no guarantee that I'll see Naruto again. I've done too many stupid and awful things in my life to go where he is".

Unbeknownst to him, someone was listening to every word that went through that brain of his...


	3. Chapter 3

This is the last chapter guys! This one's my favorite! Enjoy!

A/N This takes place when Naruto and Sasuke are around 18 and Sasuke has returned to Konoha.

Sasuke couldn't believe his eyes. The return address was clear enough: Naruto Uzumaki. There was no way it could be true...could there? No! It was just some cruel prank. Even so, he couldn't help but be curious. After all, Uchiha Sasuke was only human. He opened the envelope...this was insane! It was the same chicken-scratch handwriting as Naruto's! His knees were starting to shake so he grabbed a nearby chair for assurance. This was too weird. He started to read the letter:

_Dear Sasuke-kun, _

laughingWhy are you always so formal? "Dear Uzumaki Naruto"? Come on! I knew you were stuffy, Sasuke-kun, but this? This takes the cake.

takes a deep breath Anyways, I got your letter. Listen, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault I'm dead. It was _my__ choice to sacrifice myself for you. Why? Well, I guess I didn't want to see you die again. If you want to hate anyone, hate me, not yourself._

And I'm sorry if I hurt you by dying. I didn't expect for you to get so upset. Although, I'm not sorry for dying for you. I wanted to do what I did and I'd do it again but, heh...ya know...

_And if you even __think__ about suicide again, I swear to God, Sasuke, I'll wring your pretty neck! I'm dead serious.This guy up here says that if you do that, you'll never get up here. You'll just walk around aimlessly for all eternity. So if you kill yourself just because you're going through a little "emo phase" (like you've never done __that__ before...), I'll never forgive you._

Sasuke couldn't help but grin at this. He could see Naruto now: a cute pout plastered on those perfect features. He kept reading:

_Seriously, Sasuke. I'm expecting you to come up here. So don't disapoint me!  
__  
__Love,  
Naruto _

PS Your folks say hi! 

Sasuke was in awe, touched by the things Naruto had said. Naruto actually expected him to go to heaven! "Well, I better not let him down," he said to himself. He sat down at his desk, took out a pencil and paper, and began to write:

_Dear Uzumaki Naruto,_

Hw frowned, erased it, and started over:

_Dear Naru-chan,_


	4. Chapter 4

pants OK guys, this is the last chapter hopefully. Big thanks to my lovely reader, SilverDragon-Kerinthia for suggesting this. Thanks for reading guys!

Everything went black. Or maybe white. It didn't matter. What _did _matter was that Sasuke couldn't see anything. He looked at his hands. Still there. But something was different about them. They no longer looked as if the skin was dripping off the bone. Instead, the skin was firmly wrapped around a little muscle and the bone. He rubbed them together. Smooth and soft. He felt his face next. It was no longer wrinkled, but firm. _What's going on?_

Sasuke heard an echoed scream and kunais clashing. _Where is that coming from? And why does it sound so familiar? _As it dawned on him, his eyes widened and his breath quickened. _No...I don't want to hear this! That scream...Naruto and I were escorting him when we were attacked. Wait...Naruto! _Everything went quiet for a while. _That's when I got knocked out. Naruto must've gotten pretty mad to cause __that__ much carnage. _A few moments later, he heard a groan and, after that, panting. _That was when I woke up. Naruto was still standing, albeit scratched and battered. He killed everyone who attacked us. Well, almost..._ He then heard shuffling behind him. He turned around to find nothing but emptiness. Then, a familiar voice screamed, "Sasuke!" He heard a sickening sound, like someone being stabbed. He couldn't help but yell, "No! Naruto!" at the same time his memory-self did. Tears began to form at the painful memory. He heard two bodies fall: one being the attacker (Naruto took advantage of his position and slit the man's throat) and the other, Naruto, with a sword in his chest. Heavy, labored breathing followed. He heard himself scramble over to Naruto and caressing his head. "Naruto..." he heard himself whisper. He remembered Naruto's weak smile as he managed to force out a pained, "Love you..." as his once beautiful eyed lost their smile and sparkle. Sasuke closed his eyes, tears falling freely now. _Here it comes..._ Then, a horrible scream, soft at first, but crescendoing into a terrible wail. He remembered holding Naruto's limp body, after carefully removing the sword (not that it did any good), and pitifully begging, "Come back...please. You can't..." before breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably. Sasuke fell to his knees and hugged himself. "Why couldn't I do anything? Why did I have to watch him die?"

He then felt someone's hands on his back. "Sasuke-kun, I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

He opened his eyes to see who's voice sounded so familiar. "M-Mother?!"

Mikoto smiled warmly. "It's been a while, hasn't it, Sasuke-kun?"

If she wanted to say anything else, it would have to wait because Sasuke hugged her with all his might. When he released her, he asked, "Where's Father?"

"He's right here, silly."

He looked over to his right and his father was standing there. "Father..."

"You've grown into quite the young man, Sasuke," Fuugaku stated.

"Wait Father, I have a question. Am I...dead?" Sasuke asked.

Fuugaku sighed. "To be frank, yes. You are dead."

"But, I was an old man, but look at me now!"

Mikoto said, "That's how it works when you come up here. You appear physically as if you were in your prime."

He took a closer look at his parents. _They __**do **__look younger... _He gasped. "Wait a minute..." His face brightened. "Do you know a person named 'Uzumaki Naruto'?"

Mikoto smiled. "I was wondering when you'd ask. Naruto told us about you two. He misses you very much."

"We were a little surprised when we found out you were gay, but it's alright. You're still Uchiha Sasuke, and my son," Fuugaku said and put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

Sasuke was filled with pride. "Thank you, Father."

"Now, how about I take you to see Naruto," said Fuugaku.

Sasuke couldn't help but smile. "I would like that very much. I would like to make a stop first, though."

--

Naruto sighed. He had been sitting by the fountain for almost an hour. What else was he supposed to do? He had already done everything he **could** do. The fountain was his favorite place to sit and relax. The water gently cascading over the statue of a rose, creating tiny rivulets through the petals, could have that effect on a person. When Naruto looked at the rose, he thought of a similar flower Sasuke gave him once. He sighed again. _Sasuke... _It had been a while since the last time he got a letter from him. Something was wrong. He closed his eyes and sighed for the third time. _I wish I knew what was going on..._ He heard someone approaching but tried his best to ignore them. _I really don't want to talk to anyone right now._

--  
Sasuke saw him. He immediately recognized his golden-blond hair. He was a little surprised to find that he hadn't changed at all. Thick, toned muscles covered by tan skin; he remembered the last time he saw it all bare. The mere thought induced a mischievous grin. He had to stop himself before he lost control. _Naruto probably wouldn't appreciate it much if I "attacked" him right here. It's a good thing Father left though..._

--

Naruto was starting to get annoyed. _Why are they just standing there? _He turned around and was about to yell, but when he saw who was standing behind him, the breath was knocked out of him. "S...Sasuke?" he gasped.

Sasuke was a little surprised too after not hearing Naruto's voice for so long. But he soon regained his composure. "It's good to see you too, Naruto."

Naruto smirked. "You know, if you weren't so healthy, then I wouldn't have had to wait as long to see you again, teme."

Sasuke chuckled. "Oh shut up, dobe."

Naruto grinned as tears began to well up in his aquamarine eyes. He stood up clumsily and rushed into Sasuke's arms, knocking him over. As they lay on the ground, Naruto crying, Sasuke hugged him tightly and murmured, "I missed you."

Naruto managed to choke out, "...missed...you...too..." in between sobs.

Sasuke planted soft kisses on the top of Naruto's head, all the while moving downward...to his forehead...the bridge of his nose...until he reached his destination: Naruto's lips.

Naruto and Sasuke had shared many great kisses before; the one in front of their class, their first real kiss, their last kiss before Naruto died; but none of them compared to their kiss then. It was fueled by warmth, comfort, love, desire, and passion. Naruto, no longer crying, broke the kiss and nuzzled into Sasuke's neck, taking in his scent. Sasuke himself buried his head in Naruto's hair and breathed deeply. Naruto giggled.

Sasuke grinned. "I'm glad you're not crying anymore, but what's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just...that tickled."

Sasuke chuckled. "Oh! I almost forgot. I got you something." He reached over and picked up a white rose and handed it to Naruto, who was still laying on him. "You made me drop it when you tackled me. It doesn't seem to be too damaged." He smiled. "Happy birthday, Naru-chan."

Naruto sat up a little to take the rose. Sasuke seized the opportunity to sit up and, with Naruto sitting in his lap, pulled him into another kiss.

It isn't often when two people are thinking the exact same thing. When asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?", the proper response would be, "No. I'm not a mind reader so I obviously have no way of knowing whether we're thinking the same thing. And you're obviously not one either because instead of asking me a stupid question, you could've just read my mind and answered your question yourself, thus rendering this entire conversation utterly pointless." However, in this case between Naruto and Sasuke, they were both thinking the same thing, "I can't wait to get home."


End file.
